#2 …If Your Daughter Dated Carrot Top
May 5th, 2008 by Jon
If Your daughter dated Carrot Top… Seriously, this man (I use this term loosely) has to be one of the fugliest, scariest and most annoying humans (also used loosely) on this earth. Let me first start by saying that I have a hard time picturing or seeing this guy without wondering what the hell went wrong. SCARY wrong.
So one day your daughter calls home with a big announcement. She is dating a celebrity! ZOMG! But who? CARROT TOP. Wow, the first thing I would wonder is what the hell did I do to my daughter to drive her to this. The second thought… Why god WHY!? My co-workers will now proceed to heckle me thoroughly with bad prop jokes and curly red wigs while my family begs me to do something about it. But what can I do? What can YOU do?
Now what if your precious daughter decides to bring him home to meet the family? This is scary for a number of reasons. One, this means they are somewhat serious. Two, a ‘roid-rage attack could come on at any time and you MUST be prepared (see aluminum bat and brass knuckles). Three, he may shed that nasty red curly hair around your house. Four, it is fucking carrot top for gods sake! Oh, and five… god he looks scary. On the bright side, at least you won’t have to worry about him stealing your daughters eyeliner or eyebrow pencil… apparently he had them tattooed on by a BLIND DRUNKEN SAILOR.
Now lets say that things progress between carrot top and your daughter and they begin to talk of marriage. Well first of all, you should probably put a contract on his head to prevent such a thing, but I do not condone such actions. So your worst nightmare happens and they tie the knot… this is where it gets really scary. Maybe you always wanted grandchildren. Maybe you love kids and want to shower them with love and gifts. Well probably not anymore. The spawn of carrot top could be only that of pure evil, regardless of the mother. The only good baby carrot is well… a baby carrot (yummy!) This is truly a scary thought.
For the worlds sake, and for your sake, I hope the unthinkable does not happen and that your daughter is not one of the unlucky chosen few who have or will date Carrot Top.
Believe me… It Would Be Scary.
I’m not familiar with Carrot Top, but his picture is quite dreadful.