It Would Be Scary…

…If Senior Citizens Took Over The Mall Like Teenagers, it would be quite an interesting and fearful experience. Think about a typical Friday or Saturday at the mall. No matter where you are, chances are it is packed with hormone driven teenagers who seem to think it is their stomping grounds to dress, do and act how they please. Wouldn’t it be great if they just disappeared one day. Who knows where they would disappear to, but lets just say they suddenly no longer hung out at the mall. This would be great right? That is until…

Senior Citizens took over and began acting just like the teenagers. This would be a truly scary sight and experience. First, they would be wearing clothes that they would have no place wearing. Tube tops, miniskirts, muscle shirts, even tank tops would be more than I would want to see. There are certain parts and extremities on senior citizens that just will not work when put into teenagers styled clothing. Second, they would begin acting like teenagers. I have one acronym for you… PDA. I don’t even like seeing it from 20-somethings. Imagine walking into the food court area to find multiple senior citizen couples with their hands in each others back pocket or making out in a corner not so discretely. Third, if you were a store owner in the mall, you would probably prefer teenagers over senior citizens. Senior citizens are notoriously frugal and not to mention very slow moving. Chances are they would clog up lines while they were spending five minutes writing a check and balancing their checkbook just so they could buy some black socks that were on clearance for $1.99 at Macy’s.

Speaking of how slowly senior citizens travel, wouldn’t it be hell trying to shop during the holiday season? Imagine getting stuck behind a group of chatty citizens traveling about 0.5 mph as they gossip about last night’s edition of Larry King Live. Not only would it be nearly impossible to get past them, but you would have to listen to them talk about farking Larry King! The occasional Black Sunday mob would seem like nothing compared to the mobs that senior citizens would cause during holiday shopping.

I honestly think I would prefer the teenagers in the mall over senior citizens. If you ask me, if senior citizens took over the mall like teenagers… it would be scary.