…If Your Mom Knew Everything You Did During Your College Years life would be over as you knew it. Let’s face it, we would all be in some deep shit if our moms knew about even half of the stuff we did back then, or in some cases are doing right now.
Remember that night you tried to drunk-text your ex, but accidentally sent the message to your mom instead? She’s definitely better off thinking that all those “I still love yous” were just in repentance for all of your childhood disobedience. Or what about the time that your roommate’s girlfriend passed out on the couch, and peed all over that blanket Grandma Millie made for you when you were five? Your poor mother is working so hard to get those “lemonade” stains out, I think it’s better if she remains oblivious.
You could expect the heart-attack rate in this country to rise by about 50% if moms knew everything their kids did in college. As a result, mothers would likely form personal relationships with their kids’ landlords and request Progress Reports each week. This would come at increased rent costs, but to mom’s it would be well worth it to keep tabs on their “little baby”. Landlords would be required to take note of how many days it’s been since the shower was last used, how thick the dust on top of textbooks has gotten, and how many days the neighbor’s stolen newspaper has been used as a substitute for toilet paper. Any used condoms that come back up in the toilet would be reported immediately, resulting in a stern motherly lecture and being grounded for the weekend. And no, it doesn’t matter that she lives 500 miles away, you’re still grounded!
Things would never quite be the same if your mom knew everything you did in college. After my mother found out about my rowdy Spring Break trip to Cancun, she started making the Sign of the Cross every time we passed each other in the hallway at home. I honestly don’t think our moms could handle it. It would be extremely scary and very detrimental if our mom’s knew everything that we did during our college years.
