It Would Be Scary…

This woman is out of control. She’s been in “the biz” since somewhere near the early 1800s, working on popular movies such as Hocus Pocus, Mars Attacks!, and the aptly-named Failure to Launch. The advent of the television program Sex and the City catapulted her into the Hollywood stratosphere, effectively enforcing ridiculous feminine behaviors and shoe-buying compulsions on women everywhere. Ten years after the start of Sex and the City, it is safe to say that she has become the proverbial piece of gum on the bottom of our shoe.

The upcoming release of the Sex and the City motion picture brings to my attention why SJP is so scary. Her spindly yet overly-ripped frame constantly leaves me wondering what she is capable of. After witnessing firsthand the power she now wields over Everyone’s Girlfriend and even Some People’s Moms, I know she is a person to be feared.

By insisting on wearing cakey makeup and “stylish” clothing that would only be fit for teenagers, the now-43-year-old woman is a constant reminder of the American fear of aging. It’s not a fear of looking old; it’s a fear of looking desperate to recapture one’s youth. Upon entering the chain store Steve and Barry’s a few months ago, I even stumbled upon SJP’s new clothing line Bitten, which literally consists of baby tees and tank tops. I hope she does not actually wear that stuff in public!

Be afraid people, be very afraid. This woman is becoming a role model for women in their 30’s and 40’s. Do we really want moms looking and acting like this? Whatever happened to the whole ‘aging gracefully’ thing? Scary muscles. Tank tops. Heavy makeup caked on old face. Sarah Jessica Parker: just plain scary.