It Would Be Scary…

…If breast implants expired, we would all be in some real trouble. According to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, approximately 399,440 women got breast implants last year. Although breast augmentation has been around for decades, this is a considerable increase in the numbers of procedures being performed in the U.S., so it would be awful if all of these boobs started expiring all over the place.

Breast implants are not meant to last a lifetime, so there is technically already an “expiration date” on them. After 15 years or so, the implants are likely to rupture, harden, or ripple (lovely!), and must be removed or replaced. However, it would be really scary if there was an actual day that the implants were set to expire, and after this date, they would be like old milk and start to sour and curdle.

If breast implants expired, the entire city of LA would be in some real trouble. Can you imagine how many of those actresses and porn stars would probably just throw away their discharge papers and completely forget about the expiration date, and one day notice that their chests are going bad? They would be shopping in a store at the mall, when suddenly a foul odor would start to emanate from their chest. They would have to run to their doctor and get a “fresh” set.

Not to mention the sexual implications of such a thing happening. Breast implant expiration dates would be like the new periods. Girlfriends would have to warn their boyfriends that in 2 weeks their boobies will be getting replaced, so he’d better get in all of his fondling while he can! Each cup size would be a different price, so boyfriends would mourn the loss of D breasts being replaced by B breasts in order to make more money for Christmas presents.

If breast implants had an expiration date, the world would be pretty freaky. I can imagine drive-thru stations being built to offer quick and easy boob replacements, and women being stuck with a nasty set because they don’t have the money to get them removed. Ew. It’s definitely a good thing that breast implants don’t expire like that.

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