Already Scary #6 - Cheerleaders
Jun 19th, 2008 by sunrisepink
Ever since I was little, I have always been scared of cheerleaders. They’re just so…peppy, and creepily robotic. They seem to have unlimited amounts energy contained within their small bodies, allowing them to yell and clap and do flips across the floor like those little toy puppies.
In high school, I admit to being a cheerleader (I was young and stupid, okay?). There was this blonde girl on our squad named Jennifer, and she had the loudest. Voice. Ever. If you ever made the mistake of sitting with her at a concert or sports game, she would yell your ear off. We even started calling her the Cheer Machine. Anyways, after high school Jennifer eventually became an evil courtroom lawyer. ‘Nuff said.
There is just something about cheerleaders that makes me strangely suspicious. How are they able to jump and scream for hours, and get excited on command? Why are they always wearing so much makeup if they want cheerleading to be taken seriously as a sport? And why the heck do they wear those little skirts when they know they’re just going to be flipping upside down and showing their bottoms all night?
Something seems fishy about the whole cheerleading situation. Their sexual appeal to men makes the whole “sport” highly suspect, as well as their never-ending ability to function as a source of energy for an entire crowd of sports fans. My official theory is that cheerleading teams are actually evil cyborg squadrons getting ready to take over the world, one skirt at a time. How else do you explain the megaphones?
