#18… If Ashton Kutcher Was President of the U.S.
Jul 3rd, 2008 by sunrisepink
We’ve all seen Ashton Kutcher’s hit MTV show Punk’d, which is now in syndication and prepared to haunt us for centuries to come. But in case you’ve been living under a rock for the last few years, Punk’d is a television program in which a boisterous young man named Ashton Kutcher regularly plays pranks on the nation’s most cherished celebrities, including such figures as Jessica Alba, Kanye West, and Ashlee Simpson.
Now, by “pranks,” I don’t mean those little whoopie cushion kind of deals. I’m talking about pretending to steal cars and blowing things up - major damage! At the end of each segment, Kutcher breaks it to the freaked-out celebrity that the whole thing is just a big prank, and everyone involved has a jolly good laugh and goes about their privileged lives.
Watching this show has made me wonder about what would happen if Ashton Kutcher’s obviously powerful support system somehow extended into the political realm, and helped him to get elected as president. He has such a strong network of celebrity cronies that I’m sure he would have no difficulty brainwashing America into thinking he was a viable candidate.
If Ashton Kutcher somehow became president of the United States, my main fear is that he would start to mobilize nationwide Punk’d scams. One day, the American public would be informed that a giant comet was headed straight to earth, and that we should stock up on beans and take cover in our basements until further notice. Then the next night, Charles Gibson would arrive on the evening news, saying “This just in!…Breaking news!…The President says ‘You’ve been Punk’d!’”
Another thing that terrifies me about Ashton Kutcher becoming president is the thought of a man who once played a leading role in a film literally entitled “Dude, Where’s My Car?” becoming our country’s Commander In Chief. Not only would we be forced to abide by the laws generated by his dilapidated brain cells, “Dude, Where’s My Car?” would surely become a legendary fixture our nation’s history. Dear God, no!
