Some possible decisions a female president may make:

-It would be mandatory for all home owners to adopt at least 2 homeless pets.
-Outlawing of all guns, bb guns, swords, machetes, knives or anything else that could be used as a deadly weapon.
-Free houses for all single mothers, at the cost of responsible taxpayers.
-In competitive sports, all teams would be awarded equal trophies for participation, because everyone is a winner. There would be no championship, just awards for participation.
-Scary movies would be banned from movie theaters because they might give people nightmares.

These are just some examples of what COULD happen. What would actually happen could be even worse!

And imagine what would happen during that whole once a month thing when women are feeling extra moody.  Maybe she would just decide that China was not paying enough attention to America’s needs and spark a nuclear war.  Or maybe she would get cut off by an erratic driver and decide that every mile of roadway needs to be monitored by video camera and every traffic infraction caught on tape would receive a hefty fine by mail.  It would be like cameras at signalized intersections, to the extreme. Basically on 20% of the days of any given month, our nation could be having some very irrational laws, policies and decisions being made.

Don’t get me wrong having a woman president could have it’s benefits, and perhaps give a fresh perspective on what this country needs, but I have to believe that there would be a lot of scary consequences that would be a lot worse than the possible benefits. I know I don’t want my president making important decisions based upon emotions or “that time of the month”.  Decisions that effect our nation deserve a lot more consideration and analysis of the facts.  For this reason alone, it would be scary if a woman became president.

But when I really think about it, it would be scary as hell how things might change if it were legalized.  I can only imagine visiting my sister, discussing life and family and then all of a sudden she just pulls out a doobie and lights up.  That would just be a strange sight to see.  I imagine that people would be walking the streets rather aimlessly, muttering to themselves that they need some Cheetos.  Junk food sales would no doubt sky rocket, so I would be sure to invest in those companies.  Meanwhile, productivity would go down at work, but I bet there would be some really radical ideas being tossed around at corporate meetings.  A free doobie with every purchase anyone?

Not being a pot smoker myself, I just find it hard to imagine what society would be like if marijuana was legal.  Maybe it would just be more funny that it would be scary.  I know I would enjoy my pets company a lot better if I were to sit down and enjoy a joint after work.  Personally I think somehow that the scariness factor would over rule.  You would have no clue if yoru taxi driver or your boss or whoever was high… until they started acting very strange or started driving 10 miles below the speed limit.  The world would just become a lot different place.

At least that is what I think.

Speaking of McCain being old however, this is one of the scariest things about him potentially leading our nation. It is natural that as people begin to reach their 60′s and 70′s, they lose the ability to function at 100% both physically and mentally. The memory deteriorates, rationale goes out the window and the body just can’t do what it once could. These all factor into what could be a crazy and scary presidential term for McCain if he is to win this election. Imagine McCain trying to strengthen foreign relations and forgetting foreign leaders’ names when meeting them or forgetting which were allies and which were not. I have this funny image in my mind of McCain chasing young hoodlums off of the white house front lawn just like an honory old man. Of course this would never happen, but think of what COULD happen. McCain’s age is definitely a factor in this presidential race. It is not a big deal when an average Joe like you or me forgets something, but when it is the president, that is a completely different story.

The scariest thing about McCain as president however I think is that he would be out of touch with a large chunk of Americans. At 71 years old, he may not even know what a blackberry or an ipod is. McCain will be making decisions that will have a huge affect on the lives of millions of young adults that he likely does not understand. Will McCain be able to put things into perspective and listen to the young people of our nation in order to make decisions in their best interest? It is hard to say, but I know the thought of it scares me a lot. It may help him slightly with his new VP running mate Sarah Palin however. Being that she is younger and more likely to be in touch with the younger generation (she has a 17 year old daughter… err, let me rephrase that. A PREGNANT 17 year old daughter), this bodes well for McCain. Not to mention Palin reminds me of a sexy librarian and I am sure I am not the only one. Giggity giggity.

The one real advantage McCain’s age does give him however, is experience. There is a lot to be said for personal experience and it is not something that can be learned. McCain has quite a bit more experience than his democratic opponent Barack Obama. It is something gained over time and hopefully if McCAin is elected, it will be enough to make his presidency not so scary.

I do not mean to say that it will be scary in a bad way. It could be scary in a good way as well. The fact is that change is often times scary and change of this proportion and of this importance is impossible not to be scary. Heck, it is already scary every 4 years when we change leaders in this country. Now that race has been thrown into the mix, the ante has been upped. Truth be told, many people will not be ready for a black president (yeah, im talking to you deep south). They will reject it even and spew forth hate and discontent. It would present a huge challenge for Barack. But I believe that if Barack Obama handles his critics and haters right, that he could enact a profound change in people. Perhaps, he could have the biggest impact that any African American has ever had on this country. If he is elected, he will have 4 years to do just that. Being that this is not exactly a stable time for this country, his plate would be quite full.

Perhaps however, things will go completely wrong. Perhaps America is just not quite ready for, nor will they accept an African American president. This is where things could get the scariest. Perhaps the African American community would not even accept Barack Obama because they think that he is acting too white. Or on the flip side, white america may not fully accept Barack Obama because he is acting too black. It is the stereotypes, ignorance and inability to accept change that could make a Barack Obama presidency a truly scary presidency. In the end of things, it will take a huge effort and change in thinking by America for Barack Obama to become a successful president of the united states. It will also take tremendous will power, resolve and dedication from Barack Obama to do what is necessary and right during his presidency. If one side or the other does not make the effort for change, I predict we shall see a very scary 4 years if Barack Obama is elected president.

But I do hope that America IS indeed ready for a change of this magnitude and that Barack Obama is up to the challenge to lead our great country for what would be his ensuing 4 years as president.

Stop for a minute to consider the ramifications of living on the moon. First of all, we’d have to go over there in huge rockets that would probably cost a million dollars to board. You’d pay all that money, arrive on the moon after a few light years of traveling, and then realize you forgot your keys, or some other random object. D’oh! You’re screwed.

A lot of people also like to forget that the moon does not have as much gravitational pull as the Earth. That means you’d pretty much have to chase your hot dog through the air in order to eat it for lunch, lest it fly off into space unexpectedly. And less glamorously, when you went to the bathroom, pee would be everywhere. We’d likely be forced to excrete our waste into little plastic baggies. And forget about going outside to take a leisurely walk – you’d be halfway to Jupiter by the time anyone realized you were gone.

Obviously, living on colonies on the moon is not a good idea, at least until we get some pretty bitchin’ technology developed. If we do ever start living on colonies on the moon, please just take a moment to consider how freaky it would be before renting out that 2400 square foot crater. It won’t be as fun as you think.

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Second, old people would be walking around naked. Now, it’s very important to be respectful and kind to the elderly, but I think we can all agree that it is a FACT that old people are gross, not a subjective opinion. Small children would likely be quite horrified by the somber truth of what their bodies are destined to become if they were exposed to elderly public nudity. Why would we want to rob them of their innocence and crush their dreams so early on in life?

And that’s not even to mention the health risks we would be exposed to as a result of widespread nakedness. I mean, naked seamstresses? Naked valet services? Naked CHEFS?! It’s too frightening to even consider. Thank goodness public nudity will hopefully never, ever, ever be allowed, or else we’re going to have some serious issues to deal with. And I’ll probably have to move to Canada.

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Most likely, accident rates would go up astronomically. You could wake up one morning, get ready for work, feel pretty good about yourself and the ensuing day, hop in your car and start it up and for whatever reason your car is having a bad day today. Well this means you are pretty much screwed and will have a hell of a time getting to work. Don’t even think about the other cars having bad days on the road. This would be pretty much lead to a whole new level of road rage. So you are in this pissed off death box just trying to survive on the way to work. You try talking your car down, throwing on some beach boys, etc… Maybe eventually you would figure out how to keep your car happy, but if you get a bad one, you may just be out of luck.

Besides getting angry, you may see cars having certain personality disorders such as ADD or obsessive compulsive disorder. You could be happily on yoru way to the store and all of a sudden your car takes over and starts heading to the park. What the hell!? Yeah, apparently your car just couldn’t sta focused enough to get to the originally destination. Or you are pulling into a parking space and your car won’t let you get out until you are parcked PERFECTLY, then you have 5 seconds to get out and lock the doors or your car will have to park somewhere else and do it all over again.

As cool as a talking car was in the great series of Knight Rider, I just don’t think it would work out too well in reality. In fact, it would be pretty scary.

Now, by “pranks,” I don’t mean those little whoopie cushion kind of deals. I’m talking about pretending to steal cars and blowing things up – major damage! At the end of each segment, Kutcher breaks it to the freaked-out celebrity that the whole thing is just a big prank, and everyone involved has a jolly good laugh and goes about their privileged lives.

Watching this show has made me wonder about what would happen if Ashton Kutcher’s obviously powerful support system somehow extended into the political realm, and helped him to get elected as president. He has such a strong network of celebrity cronies that I’m sure he would have no difficulty brainwashing America into thinking he was a viable candidate.

If Ashton Kutcher somehow became president of the United States, my main fear is that he would start to mobilize nationwide Punk’d scams. One day, the American public would be informed that a giant comet was headed straight to earth, and that we should stock up on beans and take cover in our basements until further notice. Then the next night, Charles Gibson would arrive on the evening news, saying “This just in!…Breaking news!…The President says ‘You’ve been Punk’d!’”

Another thing that terrifies me about Ashton Kutcher becoming president is the thought of a man who once played a leading role in a film literally entitled “Dude, Where’s My Car?” becoming our country’s Commander In Chief. Not only would we be forced to abide by the laws generated by his dilapidated brain cells, “Dude, Where’s My Car?” would surely become a legendary fixture our nation’s history. Dear God, no!

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And what about dancing? Would people still even do it or would it just become a lost art? Without music, it would be difficult to keep any kind of beat or even have the motivation to to perform the act. How would children even learn the alphabet for crying out loud, with no alphabet song? There would be no marching bands at half time of college football games, no dance teams at basketball games, no concerts and a huge decrease in the creativity of the world.

For me personally, parties and bars would just not quite be the same. Granted, they can both be ok without music, but sometimes you just want to hear some good rock or hip hop to pick the mood up. There is nothing like a good song to get people going. Movies would also be a huge thing for me. Sometimes the music is what puts me over the edge during an emotional scene… and I will admit, there are a select few of these scenes that I tear up a little bit. That is scary in itself, but we wont get into that now.

A world without music would just not be the same world. It would be like one of those Twilight Zones where everyone would walk around all stiff and zombie like. People would get agitated more easily and lose their ability to have any fun. Pretty soon, people would just start turning on each other and all hell would break loose. Then… ok maybe it wouldn’t get that serious, but it would be bad and it would be scary.

As I got older, I realized that Santa was a load of crap invented by adults in order to instill obedience and fear in their children. But wouldn’t it be scary if Santa really was real, and he really WAS always watching? I mean, how would he do it? First of all, he’d probably have to microchip each one of us, which would happen through a special deal with all major hospitals. He would have to bribe the nurses to implant microchips in all newborn babies, in return for free train sets for their kids.

Then, he’d have to find some way to install cameras in everyone’s houses. Obviously, he could just ask the government how to do that, since they are experts at stalking people and invading their privacy. He’d also have to have a huge staff of elves in order to monitor the tapes and record our good and bad behavior. Either that or like a thousand eyes. Not to mention he’d probably also have to plant spies throughout communities to get the inside scoop on the REALLY bad kids.

I really don’t think it’s very funny for adults to make up songs like “Santa Claus is Coming To Town” in order to police their children’s behavior. If Santa really was always watching, the world would be an extremely creepy place, and that’s nothing to joke about. Got that, Santa?

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