It Would Be Scary... » Things That ARE Scary

Already Scary #8 – Your Grandparents’ Basement

sunrisepink — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 14:53:47 +0000

Back when I was in elementary school, my family took an annual vacation to my grandparents’ house in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Being that my dad has 6 brothers and sisters, my grandparents’ house was quite large and included a sweeping upstairs loft, large dining and kitchen area, and huge basement that ran along the entire foundation of the house.

During the day, my cousins and I would play games like House and School in the basement, having plenty of fun in our make believe world. However, we always remained acutely aware of the terror lurking on the other side of the room. You see, the basement was separated in half by a curtain that marked the division between the “living” space and the “storage” space. The storage space was, of course, where all the monsters and killers lived, just waiting for a ball to roll on their side of the curtain so that they could suck our brains out.

I think that most children have a healthy fear of their grandparents’ basement. If it isn’t the dank, spidery corners, it’s the pungent aroma of mothballs, or the creepy porcelain dolls lying around with their fingers broken off. When it comes to grandparents’ basements, not knowing what’s in there can be just as scary as knowing what’s in there. That’s because in the catacombs of elderly relatives’ basements, there are always plenty of scary beings lurking, both real and imagined.

One thing is certain: no matter how scary your grandparents’ basement may be, just don’t make the mistake of asking Grandma where all that crap came from. You’ll be subjected to an entire afternoon of “when I was a little girl” stories, which is truly the most frightening thought of all.

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Already Scary #7 – Caves

sunrisepink — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 20:00:43 +0000

When I was just a young’in, my elementary school would take us on a trip to Starr’s Cave Nature Preserve Area at the end of each year. This was meant to be a fun outing, in which we were lead through historic Starr’s Cave by an experienced nature guide. I remember tunneling my way through the long cave with just a flashlight to light my way, and sometimes having to crawl on my stomach because the tunnel was so small. At the end of the cave, we would reach a small space called The Devil’s Kitchen and then turn around and head back out.

I always thought this was fairly normal behavior. Then I grew up, and developed an acute sense of claustrophobia. Air planes, bathrooms, you name it – anything small and enclosed pretty much terrifies me. That’s why, when I recently returned to Starr’s Cave to check out the “natural beauty,” I was completely and utterly terrified. I couldn’t even bring myself to walk into the mouth of the cave, for fear that I would be sucked inside it and left to rot.

However, I think this is a normal fear, even for people that are not claustrophobic. Something about the craggy outcroppings and dank quarters just seems to creep people out. Not to mention the liquids dripping from the top of the cave, which you’re never sure are rainwater or bat droppings. And the bats, oh the bats! Flying mice that sink their teeth into your skull at the first chance they get!

Yes, I think it’s safe to say that caves are pretty much one of the scariest things out there. Whenever I see a cave, I always wonder how many skeleton bits are scattered throughout its enclaves. I’ll bet it’s a lot.

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Already Scary #6 – Cheerleaders

sunrisepink — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 14:34:40 +0000

Ever since I was little, I have always been scared of cheerleaders. They’re just so…peppy, and creepily robotic. They seem to have unlimited amounts energy contained within their small bodies, allowing them to yell and clap and do flips across the floor like those little toy puppies.

In high school, I admit to being a cheerleader (I was young and stupid, okay?). There was this blonde girl on our squad named Jennifer, and she had the loudest. Voice. Ever. If you ever made the mistake of sitting with her at a concert or sports game, she would yell your ear off. We even started calling her the Cheer Machine. Anyways, after high school Jennifer eventually became an evil courtroom lawyer. ‘Nuff said.

There is just something about cheerleaders that makes me strangely suspicious. How are they able to jump and scream for hours, and get excited on command? Why are they always wearing so much makeup if they want cheerleading to be taken seriously as a sport? And why the heck do they wear those little skirts when they know they’re just going to be flipping upside down and showing their bottoms all night?

Something seems fishy about the whole cheerleading situation. Their sexual appeal to men makes the whole “sport” highly suspect, as well as their never-ending ability to function as a source of energy for an entire crowd of sports fans. My official theory is that cheerleading teams are actually evil cyborg squadrons getting ready to take over the world, one skirt at a time. How else do you explain the megaphones?

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Already Scary #5 – Cemeteries

Jon — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 05:23:23 +0000

This is an obvious given for one big reason… they are full of dead people. You are literally walking no more than 6 to 10 feet above these dead bodies of people you never met. It creates quite an eerie feeling. There is just something weird about walking through a cemetery. It is hard not to think that a rotting hand will pop out of the ground and grab your ankle. I guess that is what horror movies have told us happens.

Yes, cemeteries are scary on any given day, but there are times that they can be extremely scary. Try a windy, rainy night on for size. Many cemeteries have old trees in them that creek loudly as they are blown in the wind. And don’t even get me started on the trees that have wind chimes in them. There is something just so eerie about hearing a wind chime while in a cemetery… at NIGHT no less. If you want a good scare, this should be at the top of your list. Do be respectful about it though.

STILL, there is one scarier time to be in a cemetery. It is the one night of the year that we let our imaginations run a little wild and our nerves might just get the best of us. I am talking about Halloween night. I remember going to a cemetery on Halloween night once while in college and it was one of the eeriest and scariest things I have experienced. As if cemeteries weren’t scary enough on any given day!? I am pretty sure that anyone can agree… cemeteries are scary.

Already Scary #5 – Clowns

Jon — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 18:09:19 +0000

It is hard to tell whether it is because of certain horror movies, their creepy makeup or that they are generally older males playing creepy dress up for little kids. But something about clowns are just scary. It really doesn’t matter if they are making jokes or throwing pies in people’s faces, clowns are just inherantly scary.

The most famous of scary clowns is “Pennywise” from the movie IT. That movie pretty much solidified just how scary clowns were and the evil things they were truly capable of. It is beyond me why they even exist in society any longer. I would venture to guess that over half of the world finds clowns at least a little bit scary, while some people find them deathly scary and likely have frequent nightmares about them.

I am not sure about you, but personally I DO find something unsettling about a grown man putting makeup on and bright over-sized clothing so that he can run around and act like a child himself through exaggerated actions and expressions. Do you have a clown phobia? Don’t worry if you do, I guarantee you are not the only one.

Already Scary #4 – Wax Museums

sunrisepink — Fri, 30 May 2008 02:39:40 +0000

Wax museums are some freaky shit. My first and only memory of visiting one of these scary hellholes was at the young and innocent age of 8. My parents thought it would be educational to take me to a wax museum with historically-themed displays. Everything was going great until we came to the one depicting the Europeans’ battle with the Native Americans in the 1600s. It was literally a life-sized diorama of a Native American scalping someone! You think I’m kidding, but it’s true. It might have been the single most terrifying moment of my childhood, and I never visited a wax museum again.
My fear of wax museums was renewed upon seeing the 2005 film House of Wax. This movie confirmed my theory that wax figures come to life at night and go on killing sprees, because if it’s in the movies, then it must be true. The only thing scarier in the film than seeing wax figures come to life was seeing Paris Hilton attempting to act…*shudder*. But I digress.

Going to wax museums is meant to be a light-hearted weekend activity, but having a bunch of creepy statues leer at you while you wander down a dimly-lit hallway is not my idea of a good time. Especially when those figures are evil, and are plotting your murder after the security guard leaves for the evening…or at least I assume. It’s better to be safe than sorry. In any case, wax museums are just not something you want to fool around with.

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Already Scary #3 – Salespeople

sunrisepink — Wed, 28 May 2008 21:49:18 +0000

Salespeople are just plain creepy. I know that they are just doing their job, and that is what they do for a living, but here’s a newsflash: being excitable and overzealous makes people nervous, not inspired to buy a product.

I’d like to share a true story with you. I met a nice young woman at a local Farmer’s Market one summer afternoon. The sun was shining, the two of us got to chatting, and we were having a marvelous time. She then complimented me my makeup, and asked if I’d like to be a “face model” for her next Mary Kay party. Because, well golly, she just happened to be a Mary Kay rep, and I had such a pretty face, and I wouldn’t even have to do anything but just sit there!

The next thing I knew, it was a week later and I was at her home, thinking I was in for a relaxing afternoon. Instead of being a “face modeling” job, it was a private sales meeting with the woman I had met at the Farmer’s Market! And not only did she want me to buy all of her goopy face crap, she wanted me to become a Mary Kay representative myself! My polite protests and uneasy chuckles were to no avail. Within minutes of arriving, I realized I had been duped by a sleazy saleswoman.

Yes people, that is a true story. When she wasn’t looking, I threw an object across the room and then bolted for the door while she as soon as she looked away. Okay, that part isn’t true, but I think everyone’s had to concoct some sort of scheme to escape the clutches of an overbearing salesperson at some point in their life. So, case in point. Salespeople: already way scary.

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Already Scary #2 – Airplane Turbulence

Jon — Tue, 20 May 2008 00:28:09 +0000

Thousands, if not millions of people in the world are scared of flying. And can you blame them? You are in a giant piece of machinery filled with jet engine fuel about 35,000 feet in the air. But even if you are not afraid of flying, there is something about flying that can scare just about all of us… Airplane Turbulence.

Anytime I have been flying, there is nothing that makes my heart beat jump more than a sudden jolt of the entire airplane. It is almost like the airplane is having an earthquake… at 35,000 feet in the air. And often times it does not stop after just one jolt. The jolts keep coming and they get bigger! If you get it real bad, you may even be lifted out of your seat by the strength of the turbulence. Add on top of this a mob mentality of fear on the plane, and the turbulence can cause a few very scary moments.

Statistically airplane turbulence virtually never lead to an airplane crash, but it definitely feels like it could when the plane begins to jerk and jolt and move violently in the air. Despite it’s relative harmlessness, airplane turbulence is a scary thing.

Already Scary #1 – Jumping Spiders

Jon — Fri, 09 May 2008 23:34:07 +0000

Why these things even exist is beyond me. It’s as if an 8 legged insect that could climb walls, spin sticky webs and poison its prey with venom was not enough. They also had to have the ability to jump. This is pretty much one of the scariest things you can experience, ESPECIALLY if you do not know it is a jumping spider when you try to squish or catch it.

Has this ever happened to you? You see a spider in the house and you go to hit it and it jumps out of the way! Not only that, it jumps out of the way towards you! Now you don’t know where it is. Is it on you?!? In your hair?!? Down your shirt?!? This is where the flailing and smacking of yourself all over your body begins.

It is scary enough to even see a spider for most, but when you see one of those jumping ones, it takes scary to a whole new level.