3) Cabbage
Cabbage is absolutely impossible to digest, making me fearful of what, exactly, it is made of. I’ve heard stories of people clearing the room with the “natural gases” released from their bodies while on cabbage soup diets, so this food is nothing to mess around with.

4) Beets
Don’t eat these unless you’re ready to be totally freaked out by the color of your poop for the next two days. Seriously.

5) Dairy Products
Okay, all dairy products are produced with fluids originally excreted by a cow. No thanks!

6) Squash
I’ve always been perplexed by squash. I could never figure out why it was squishy…and stringy…and also tasted like twigs.

7) Maple Syrup
Remember when you were little, and you were playing hide and seek behind Grandpa’s old maple tree? By the end of the day, you always had a ton of sticky goo all over your hands that wouldn’t come off. I’ve learned to just stay away.

8. Hot Dogs
I have never heard a conclusive answer to the question “What are hot dogs made of?” All I know is they are made of a bunch of ground up crap all squeezed into some sausage casing…creepy.

9) Jell-o
This gelatinous substance is apparently formed from sugar and water. But how does it stick together? And how come you can eat it and eat it and never get full?

10) Carrot Cake
Wait a second, a dessert made out of a…vegetable? Be afraid, be very afraid.

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2. Medford, OR
This is the city with the most suicides per capita in the U.S. Sounds pretty freaky to me! Better stay away from this place.

3. Baltimore, MD
Baltimore is the most rat-infested city in America. I recommend that you keep one eye open while sleeping, or you might end up with a rat’s nest in your hair.

4. El Paso, TX
A recent study done by Hallmark showed that El Paso has the worst sense of humor of any other place in the country. They also have the lowest greeting card sales numbers. I wouldn’t dare crack a joke in this town.

5. Detroit, MI
This place secured the top spot on Forbes’ list of Most Miserable Cities. Don’t move here unless you want to be the victim of violent crimes and high unemployment rates!

6. Hollywood, CA
I’ve heard plenty of stories about the weird celebrity impersonators camped out on the streets in Hollywood. Word has it that they don’t even look like Elvis.

7. New Orleans, LA
Did you know that this place has an entertainer called the Human Dildo? *shudder* No thanks, man!

8. Death Valley, CA
Isn’t this one a little obvious? I mean, why would anyone voluntarily enter a place called the Valley of Death? Freaky.

9. New York City, NY
Aside from having the worst housing in America, this place is easily the most intimidating city in the country. It’s just way too many people crammed into one place. There’s plenty of space in Montana, people!

10. Los Angeles, CA
The city with the largest class stratification in America, complete with plenty of slimy millionaires and tons of boob jobs. Enough said.

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